"So, what's up? You've seemed distant these past few days."
"What? I'm not feeling distant!"
"Well, you've just seemed, I don't know...not attuned."
"I didn't mean to be distant!"
So where do you go from here, when you express a concern, and the other person - namely, my lovely and wonderful husband (and I mean that, it's not sarcasm!), just says, "I didn't mean to!"
It reminds me a lot of when I was a kid, and that was the excuse I'd come up with when I was being scolded for something. "I didn't mean to eat all the cookies!"
I'm not a mom. I'm a wife. I don't want, need, desire, or yearn for another kid. I want a partner. So don't say, "I didn't mean to!" It just lands like a rock.
What do you want the response to be, you ask? How about, "What do you need?" That's always a better response than, "I didn't mean to."
You're not in trouble, darlin'. Far from it. I just have felt a little bit of a gap between us.
I love you.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Why
Rose and I have decided to put much of our relationship on line. Why would anyone want to do that, you might ask. A couple of reasons:
!. To do something new and fun and together. We lead busy lives and in wildly diverse careers that leave precious little time together. Our thought is that by sharing the details of our relationship, the intimate minutia, our fights, our lovemaking, our deepest secrets with the web, maybe we can grow a little closer in the process.
2. Accountability. Often we say things in the heat of an argument that we regret, or the manner in which we say it is so filled with anger and malicious intent, that we regret it. Though we don't know who will ever read this, the thought that there might be someone out there judging us based on how we fight here might, just might, temper the words and subdue the vitriol. The desired effect would be to keep the gloves on during a disagreement and quicker resolution to arguments.
3. We really just lean a little toward the exhibitionist side. This will be all anonymous, because of our professional careers and need to maintain some privacy, but we do have a bit of kink to us.
So what to expect here? Honestly, we don't know for sure. Expect honesty. Expect conflict. Expect intimacy. There will be fun and fights, sex and silliness, love and lust, tenderness and tension. Basically, it's a marriage. Enjoy. I know we will.
!. To do something new and fun and together. We lead busy lives and in wildly diverse careers that leave precious little time together. Our thought is that by sharing the details of our relationship, the intimate minutia, our fights, our lovemaking, our deepest secrets with the web, maybe we can grow a little closer in the process.
2. Accountability. Often we say things in the heat of an argument that we regret, or the manner in which we say it is so filled with anger and malicious intent, that we regret it. Though we don't know who will ever read this, the thought that there might be someone out there judging us based on how we fight here might, just might, temper the words and subdue the vitriol. The desired effect would be to keep the gloves on during a disagreement and quicker resolution to arguments.
3. We really just lean a little toward the exhibitionist side. This will be all anonymous, because of our professional careers and need to maintain some privacy, but we do have a bit of kink to us.
So what to expect here? Honestly, we don't know for sure. Expect honesty. Expect conflict. Expect intimacy. There will be fun and fights, sex and silliness, love and lust, tenderness and tension. Basically, it's a marriage. Enjoy. I know we will.
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